Sparkling Wedding Speeches

  • Samples of wedding speech humour.
  • A short guide to the role of humour in wedding speeches.


Samples of wedding speech humour


At the moment I’m trying to remember the ABC of public speaking: … that’s it! … Always Be Confident.
And before I stood up I remembered the XYZ of public speaking: … Examine Your Zipper!

The happiest day of your life:

I’ve already congratulated the Groom.
I said to him … “John! you will always look back on this as the happiest day of your life.”
This was yesterday.

For a Pub Goer:

Mike went into a pub, bought a pint and went up to the peanut dispenser. As he took his peanuts the machine said “May I just say, Sir, your shoes are sparkling as bright as your eyes, you’re wearing what must be a new Vidal Sassoon haircut and you’re without doubt looking your very best tonight.”

Well, Mike thought that was a bit strange. Then he went to the cigarette machine and as he took his twenty Marlborough from it it said: “Listen here, Pal. You’re unshaven, your hair’s all over the place and you look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.”

Mike was a bit put out and asked the barman what was going on. “It’s like this,” he said: “The peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine’s completely out of order.”

For someone who likes Acting or Amateur Dramatics:

His acting career started when he was 5. He got a part in his school play as a man who had been married for 25 years. They said that if he was good he could have a speaking part next time.

For a Golfer:

I once went to meet Alan on the golf course and found him at the fifth hole, searching high and low. Intending to help, I said: “Where do you think the ball landed?” “The ball?” he said, “That’s on the tee. I’m looking for my club.”

For someone interested in Antiques:

Phil is of course interested in old things, particularly old clocks. I was with him when he bought his first Grandfather clock. He walked out of the shop with it over his shoulder and looked for a taxi. He flagged one down and knocked a passing woman on the head. “You idiot,” she said, “Why don’t you wear a watch like everyone else?”


A Short Guide to Wedding Speech Humour

Humour for wedding speeches must take into account the range and diversity of the audience.

  • There will probably be three generations of guests:
    • parents and their friends,
    • wedding couple and their friends,
    • and the children of family and friends.
  • The speech will need to be suitable for all the guests, who may have only their relationship with the wedding couple in common.
  • In comparison most public speaking is to a much more focused audience – work colleagues, church members, social and hobby club members etc.


Your challenge is to be interesting to all without upsetting any; and at the same to time be both sincere and humourous.


Getting the humour right can also be difficult. Consider the different styles of American and British humour:

  • American style: Enthusiastically positive, determinedly direct, deliberately unambiguous.
  • British style: Appreciation of puns and double meanings; with plenty of “poking fun”; enjoys building something up only to “prick the balloon”. A nice example of this is the ‘happiest day of your life’ sample above.

Although these are the prevailing styles, there is plenty of scope for individual self-expression.


A well crafted wedding speech is something you can have confidence in when looking ahead to the wedding. The other essential is good preparation.

Free! whether you order a speech or not, are my preparation guidelines. A comprehensive guide to preparing for your speech and delivering it. Wedding Speeches Preparation Guidelines (PDF file. If you don’t have a PDF reader, you can download the Adobe Acrobat Reader for free …